Some of you might be thinking…..

……that all I have been doing over the lockdown has been making playlists for this site and nothing much else – well, you’d be right, in a way. Something strange happened to me a few weeks ago – I won’t go into the details, I couldn’t be bothered to relay them which gives me the feeling that you would be even less interested in reading them – where I couldn’t move or think, operate in general, because of the darkness at the front of my head. I know that sounds slightly clichéd – I roll my eyes re-reading it – but it’s the only coherent way I can describe it. I have always known that I go through moods swings, and have, at times, been able to recognise the lows as a state of depression – but in the past I have self medicated with alcohol – and yes yes, I know this is not a solution to the underlying problem – but it helped that I could blame the “darkness” (again, eyeroll) on a hangover, after the fact, or anticipation of going to the pub/bar/whatever, before the fact – it seemed that that anticipation was enough to lift my mood, lift the impending darkness (eyes are getting strained). But since I quit alcohol over a year ago, that method is no longer available to me. I’m much happier not drinking, makes me more present – and I’m not saying that I would never drink again – it’s just, well… the lows (“Oh! it’s ‘The Lows’ now!” – fuck me!) seem much more pronounced and visceral and I can’t figure out a way of controlling it – co-inhabiting with it. Except by making playlists!! Enjoy! you clichéd stuffed hoard!!!

By admin

Owner and sole contributor to site - for now.

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