2Coar

I have no idea where this might lead. And if you’re easily offended I suggest you stop reading now….. like “now”.

If you’re reading this then you have no grounds to blame me for any offense that might be caused – you were warned and decided to carry on regardless – I wash my hands of your offense!

A little history – I was sitting in a job center compulsory meeting – something about learning how to write a CV – learning about how to ‘up’ myself for the job market, and of course I wasn’t paying attention. I had a copy of some freebie newspaper in front of me, and a pen in my hand – and what does any sane individual do in a situation like that? You doodle.

On the leader head of the paper was an oversized ‘E’ that I was either colouring in or around or what I can’t remember – at this point, details don’t matter. Needless to say, I ended up with the image of a simple, profiled cartooned face. This face, to cut a long uninteresting story, short and uninteresting, became what I named 2COAR.

And, I hear you scream, what does 2COAR mean?

So here’s the thing – take the ugliest C-word in the English language there is and there you have it. I’ve even alluded to it by writing the “C-word”! It stands for 2 C**ts on a Road.

To be honest, I’m a big fan of swearing, especially when it’s used in it’s most beautiful of forms – swearing at authority! And even more especially when that authority is based upon some arcane protocol from yesteryear. Other forms of swearing impress me mightily too – think Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast or that bloke walking his emu in Chorley. Even the swearing people use to catch their breath, or fill in the mental lags, gives me an internal chuckle. I guess it all comes from never being allowed to swear as a kid in front of my parents – “hey Freud! Come here ya dead c**t!”

Here’s a few tasters from 2COAR just for starters. (As I said before, I have no idea where this is leading).



2Coar5/1/20

On that there Twitter I follow one of the most important accounts to follow – @AuschwitzMuseum – it brings the depth of the horror of the Holocaust, one tweet at a time, by associating the brutal efficiency of the Nazi death machine with the human cost it caused. I recommend all to visit the historical site of Auschwitz-Birkenau – it’s a moving, profound experience.

As for Anton Drexler, I’m not going to give any more information on who he was – I’ll let you do that. And apologies to any surviving descendants – but your relative was a right “get the ball rolling” c**t.


2Coar6/1/20

Listening to what I believe is the best Danish band I know since I’ve lived here – Speaker Bite Me. Their 2007 album “Action Painting” is an act of aural beauty. “Landscapes…” is one of the tracks (listening again to it now as I write :-))


Doodled this while talking to my mother about my ongoing divorce – I wrote in the text after the call.


2Coar 10/1/20

What do you reckon the percentage of folk standing in front of a press conference have this thought is? 60%? 70%? There’s probably a correlation between that percentage and the amount of bullshit the speaker has to spew. How that could be a phd paper I might read though won’t.


2Coar 11/1/20

Watched a podcast – the first line came up somewhere in it. Obviously, the second one didn’t.


2Coar 13/1/20

It came from a line from a stand up comic – can’t remember who – something along the lines of “…..but that’s like hating a waterfall.” How can you hate a waterfall? I didn’t doodle a waterfall, but I think the sentiment is the same.


2Coar 17/1/20

There’s something about Jarvis Cocker that never sat well with me – could never put my finger on why. I like his music with Pulp and solo, I like his style and cockiness, like his droll uptake, loved him taking the piss outta Michael Jackson – but just something?? Maybe I don’t like people with glasses 🙂 like a dog who doesn’t like a man wearing a hat. But I do like this song.


2Coar 21/1/20

I bought a new phone over Christmas – not 100% new but recycled – new to me. So there I am, with a sleek new piece of glass/plastic/metal in my hand and, thanks to the fine folk at whatever ad agency, in my head. And now that I have more “space” on my device, I can fit more apps that make my life easier – easier? Less complicated, perhaps. Less complicated in a more complex world that we never asked for. The quote comes from an old Alan Moore interview.


2Coar 21/1/20 “The sound of swans flying always makes me turn my head””Arm breaking c**ts”.

As a kid, my folks ran a cafe down by the shores of Lough Neagh in the north of Ireland and I would spend many a day just let lose. There were a lot of swans. I fed them bread. They never broke my arm but I was warned not to get too close many times. Still, I’d get as close as I could and feed them hand to….. bill? Still no broken limbs. And when I come to think of it, I never heard of anyone having an arm broken by swans. I wonder who started this line?

But because of this, I have fond memories of swans. Magnificent birds – their myth is well deserved. Geese on the other hand? No, geese can fuck right off!


2Coar 24/1/20 “Game of Thrones?””Pack of c**ts screaming c**t”.

Most fads pass me by – mainstream fads, that is. Reality TV? Nah. Sushi? Take it or leave it. Coldplay? Aye right!! But there are some that somehow bore an opening into my sensibility and my curiosity commands me to give said fad a look around. This is what happened with Game of Thrones. As a fan of Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit (I can smell you judging me – I had the books read to me as a kid – it’s like a comfort blanket, something to wrap around myself – so take your judgment elsewhere), the concept of the worlds wasn’t much different – dragons, armour, giants, the undead, swords, heros and heroines etc etc – but this modern version of basically the same universe…. sex and cursing!!! Hey, what’s not to like? So gave it a go on a day off. 6 episodes in a row, lying on the sofa. As it turns out there is a lot not to like – like all of it.


2Coar 2/2/20 “He’s a son of a bitch, but he’s our son of a bitch”. “No, he’s a c**t”.

This came to me at the moment I heard the senate in the USofA had voted against allowing witnesses to testify – self explanatory really.


2Coar 2/2/20 “Cancer. Is a …””C**t”

Anyone who disagrees…. well, you’re the c**t then.


2Coar (Alive and Kicking)

A generic 2Coar – with feet. It looks as if I drew this with my right hand (I’m left handed, for those readers adverse to logic), as do the next few.

2Coar “I’ll ask again”. “You’re still a c**t.”
2Coar “I’m better than you.””You’re a c**t.”
2Coar “Snowden?””Complete c**t.”
2Coar “Jeremy?””He’s a c**t.”

The last two are, of course, alluding to specific people, particularly “Snowden” – the US secret service analyst who whistle blew the extent of covert data collection – my bet would be that someone in the higher echelons of the US government, inside a building I would recognize from an establishing shot of Washington DC in a film, did indeed call Edward Snowden a “c**t” – maybe “I want that c**t caught, gagged and bound and on a plane to Basra by tomorrow morning”. The Jeremy 2Coar – there are a few Jeremy’s I could think of, mostly in British public life – Jeremy Kyle, Jeremy Clarkson, Jeremy Corbyn – so take the image, take your political affiliation/prejudice, and fill your boots. Personally, from these given examples, Jeremy Kyle gets my vote. If you don’t know who he is, please don’t give him the time of your web search and take it from me – “He’s a c**t”.


2Coar 18/02/20 “Skiers!””C**ts!”.

Why pick on skiers? Here’s why – (and to this day I still wonder why this irks me so) – after my parents went bankrupt, I was around 8 years old, we moved to a small village – where doesn’t matter – and I had to move to another school – this would be my forth – settling was starting to become a bore and a chore. The new teacher – names don’t matter – was, to put it mildly, a right bitch, especially to the males in the class – this was probably her experience as a teacher – the girls are wonderful, the boys are all little shits – treat them as such and life will glide as it always has. And to be fair, I was a little shit – so looking back I have no quibbles with this women (except for one, the bitch! (maybe two!!)) – anyway, here I was, another new school, more fitting in to do, more kid politics to learn and manipulate etc etc – and a letter comes to my parents via me asking whether I would like to go on the skiing trip – “hell yeah” I thought – away, another country, in mountains, surrounded by snow (I hated snow at that time, but this had somehow slipped from my mind with the appearance of this letter) – “hell no” – replied my parents. Of course they weren’t giving me the financial reasons – can’t remember what reasons they did give – maybe none and that’s why I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t go. And when the time of the trip came along, excitement in the class grew – at about half the rate of my resentment and bitterness – and I’d discovered that they were getting extra days off school because of the travel times, on top of the half term holidays. Little shits! Moneyed feckers! Down filled jacket wearing dicks! I didn’t wanna go anyway – I hate snow, remember? Bastards!

So yeah, I’m over it.

(Oh yeah! – and why do they still piss me off? Holiday skiers I’m referring to, not the folk who use skiing in their everyday life – not those that live up an actual mountain or near the arctic circle – no no – skiing for them is a method of transport – I’ve lived and traveled around Finland – a reason I don’t hate snow any more, just hate badly suited shoes – it would be insane to not ski! – Holiday skiers on the other hand – they fly somewhere then complain for the lack of snow because of climate change – turn on massive snow making machines and on and on and on and on – does any sensible person think that making lush green golf courses and lakes in the middle of the fecking desert in the middle east is a good idea? No! Why then are show machines viewed differently? Just a bunch of over privileged……. yeah yeah – you get it now )

Seriously though – I am over it.